Edin said his group paid annual dues to organize outings. It did not sound unusual. I barely knew them, and he had gone to the river with those people since before we met. When we began going together, I offered to buy food and fuel because he already paid into their shared fund. He thanked me like a man offered a reasonable division. He could have ended the lie then. Instead he let it become our custom.
For three summers I packed sandwiches, bought drinks, and filled the tank. Edin carried chairs and chose music, which seemed his share of the effort. I did not want to count every little thing in a relationship. Sometimes money was tight, so I postponed an outing or purchase for myself. He would say we could stay home next time. He never offered to pay for what I believed he had already contributed toward another way.
I learned the truth when a new woman in the group asked whom to give her money to. I repeated Edin's account, and the people around the grill exchanged puzzled looks. There were no dues, no fund, and nobody keeping accounts. Everyone brought whatever they wished. Edin tried saying I had misunderstood. Then I stated the exact amount he mentioned every year. He stopped looking for a joke to rescue us. His friend moved away, giving us privacy I no longer wanted.
On the drive home he admitted spending the money on his equipment and outings without me. He said he would have paid if I had asked. I replied that I made decisions based on what he told me, not on a secret requirement to ask the right questions. It was not only about sandwiches. While I avoided being petty, he carefully used every gap where I would not check. He asked me to calculate a sum he could repay, as though a final bill would close the conversation.
I accepted partial repayment but did not continue the relationship. The group invited me on their next outing. For a long time I thought I could not go without embarrassment, yet I brought one bowl of salad and a chair. Nobody expected me to feed everyone. I sat beside the water, listening to conversation that did not revolve around my breakup. On the way home I bought myself a small ice cream. It was ordinary, but I paid without calculating what it required me to postpone.